Frances and I had this relationship that was great most of the time.  She couldn't imagine how I felt about her.  It seems though that no matter what I did over the past 8 years, it was never good enough.  Yet, her inability to communicate to me what she expected from me added to this problem.  Money has always seemed like the root of our problems, especially the last two years while I have been in school.  It doesn't help that she is constantly trying to live beyond our means (two houses, car payment, motorcycle payment, her 3 kids 2 of which are adults living with us along with their girlfriends......its a lot of financial strain.

On January 16, 2009 I was devasted to find out she had been having an affair.  People could not image the hurt I felt inside along with the failure I felt.  With dad passing away October 2008 and now this, two major catastrophies in a short period of time.  I simply packed up some clothes and my camera gear and left....not even really knowing where I was going.  In the back of my mind, I only knew what my future would hold.

I simply left and have tried to remain optimistic and to reach the goals I have set for this year - which includes graduation in May and finding my ideal job (Linux related).  I have been trying to keep myself busy so that this new catastrophy doesn't bring me down.....and I am succeeding even if it seems slowly!

I never visit craigslist but one day two weeks ago I did just that and right before my eyes was that perfect job.  If you have never had this experience, it may be hard for you to understand.  But, I had that experience that appeared a job posting was written specifically for my skills.  One of those jobs where you say, they wrote this job specifically for me....and its dejavu that I even saw it....because I don't go to craigslist ever.  One of those jobs where you say, this company needs me as much as I need them...and together we can conquer the world!

The other goal with graduation will happen and I will graduate at the top of my class with honors.  The only goal that remained was that I wanted to get married to Frances this year.  Wow!  I don't think I have ever set a goal in my life and not met it.

One side of me says, Frances could have done anything and I could have forgiven her.  But infidelity is really a tough hurdle to jump.  You see, I have never wanted anyone in my life as much as Frances.  I never cheated on her, I never thought about it, and when people would actually flirt with me on a regular basis....I simply ignored it because I had everything I wanted in Frances.  After 8 years, I really thought I knew her and this was completely unexpected.

Today, she is calling my friends looking to find an excuse to lay the blame on me for her infidelity.  She can look all she wants because there is nothing to find.  But the fact that she is looking at all, just makes me wonder what her real motives are?  

I know this is just a ramble and hard to follow, but the fact remains that I have goals to accomplish this year and I will accomplish them.  Unfortunately, all of the hard work I was doing for me and frances, she will never see the rewards of that work.  Does that mean that it is over?  I just can't jump that hurdle of infidelity.  I keep fighting with this over and over and over.  I just don't think it is really possible.

Originally when I scheduled this semester, I wasn't planning on killing myself with 18-24 credit hours again like the previous 4 semesters.  I enrolled with 12 credit hours and then found I would only lack one more class to graudate. 

After finding out my girlfriend, Frances Kirk, was cheating on me after 8 years, and after my father passed away 4 months ago, I realized that maybe it was time to start a new life.  I added that remaining class so I could graduate in May 2009.

I am looking forward to it, I only have a few months to go, and I should graduate with honors (my current cumlative gpa is 3.88).  Once I graduate with my 5 certificates and my degree, I am moving somewhere where 20 years of hands-on IT/IS work means something.